I don’t think I can reproach myself at all. I said all I had planned to. Maybe it was a half-hearted attempt but I was only trying to let him down lightly and make him say the final words. This gets worse and worse.
I told Michael I had got a letter from Alan and at his query told him I intended to answer it and would not change my mind at any cost. He argued and argued then, when he realised I would not change my mind, said he wouldn’t take an answer til next Sunday. I couldn’t do much else but agree. I found myself in tears before I had hardly started and I think that gave him the wrong impression.
I have decided what I must do now. Sunday I will tell him the whole truth ie that I have been writing to Alan for some weeks and intend to see him when he comes home. I’m still going to refuse to say the final words myself.