June 27^th

Tuesday

Dear Diary,

I don’t think I can reproach myself at all.  I said all I had planned to.  Maybe it was a half-hearted attempt but I was only trying to let him down lightly and make him say the final words.  This gets worse and worse.

I told Michael I had got a letter from Alan and at his query told him I intended to answer it and would not change my mind at any cost.  He argued and argued then, when he realised I would not change my mind, said he wouldn’t take an answer til next Sunday.  I couldn’t do much else but agree.  I found myself in tears before I had hardly started and I think that gave him the wrong impression.

I have decided what I must do now.  Sunday I will tell him the whole truth ie that I have been writing to Alan for some weeks and intend to see him when he comes home.  I’m still going to refuse to say the final words myself.

Maureen's Diary Week 25: 25th - 30th June 1961